Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Under the Big Top

Dear Conservatives,
So you’re all up in arms that Donald Trump is speaking at your conference.  You’re tweeting that “CPAC is dead” and that the organization is “destroying” itself.  You worry that Donald Trump is going to make a mockery of Conservative values and policy (as if that’s even possible).
Look, I’m with you. I think Donald Trump is one of the biggest buffoons modern society has offered us in a while. And I’ve always said that, regardless of what label he’s stuck on himself over the years. The earliest memory  I have of what it really meant for a man to be a pig is Donald Trump when he cheated on Ivana. So I get why you’re speaking out against him being touted as a leader of the party. What I don’t get is why the hell it took you so long. When he was running around demanding the president’s long-firm birth certificate, why didn’t you say, “Hey, The Donald. We have serious things we have to worry about in this country right now. Hawaii’s a state, he was born here legally, that video from Kenya was bullshit. Now stop.” You can’t hate him now that he’s calling himself an Independent when he was worthy of our hate the whole time he was a Republican.
Sometimes you get the leader you asked for. And you asked for The Donald. A businessman who declares bankruptcy and then rails against entitlement. A man who declares how important family values are as he stands right next to his umpteenth wife. You’re letting the party be held hostage by these Tea Party lunatics who run around in tri-cornered hats and talk about how the Founding Fathers always intended this country to be God-fearing and racist (when we all know only one of those things is true). You’re letting asshole pundits prevent Congress from working across the aisle. You won’t give a centenarian who waited hours to vote a standing ovation because she voted for the wrong team. Your lead Congressman rolls his eyes at the idea that our basic infrastructure needs improvement because President Obama suggested it. Our country went into sequester because nobody could even agree to call a frigging time out.
If you don’t want a clown to represent your party, stop running it like a circus.
Hugs and Kisses,