Sunday, February 17, 2013

State of Our Union

Dear Speaker Boehner,

You know, I resolved to update my website this New Year’s Eve and then I didn’t do anything about it. But your behavior at the State of the Union inspired me, truly.
I understand that you’re not the biggest fan of the President’s. You’re on different teams and that’s what matters more than anything, right? I also understand that you are not a teenage girl. So when you roll your eyes and try to look as bored and disinterested as possible, OMG, you look like an idiot. You looked like you were about two seconds away from pulling out your Blackberry and BBM-ing your BFF Paul Ryan over there about how the President was “so totally lame L
(Speaking of “BM”– your skin is starting to look like you haven’t taken one in three days and crap is pushing itself through to the surface of your skin. STOP FAKE TANNING! You’re from Ohio and you live in DC. Nobody thinks you’re getting that much sun naturally.)
When the President says that everybody, regardless of what they look like or who they love, deserves equal rights and you refuse to applaud that everybody deserves the same rights, again, you look ungrateful. Some homosexual is out there on the front lines, defending your right to look as bored and disinterested as you want to be. I wouldn’t do it. You didn’t do it. So when the President says that soldier deserves to enjoy ALL the rights they’re fighting for, clap. It won’t make you gay, too. Promise.
When a 102-year-old woman hauls herself out of the house and stands on long lines to cast her first vote, that’s something that’s deserving of our praise and respect, regardless of who you think she cast that vote for. 40% of Americans didn’t bother to do what she did and I’m guessing a lot of them are in a lot better physical shape than she is. You can’t go on and on about how great this country is and then not applaud when somebody goes out and proves your point just because you don’t like the way in which they proved it. It makes it seem like you only want the people who agree with you to get a chance to participate in the democratic process and we know that’s not the case. Right?
Here’s the thing: I get that you don’t like the President. We all get that you don’t like the President. You’ve made it abundantly clear, what with your party’s complete inability to cross party lines, even if it’s in the best interests of the country. But you forget who your bosses are. You have to answer to the people of this great country. You are an at-will employee. The American voter put you in your position and the American voter can take you out. And if you look too bored with your duties, if you look disinterested in listening to your co-workers and continually demonstrate that you are not willing to be part of the team, you will lose your job.
So think about that. And also, seriously, stop with the tanning.
Hugs and Kisses,

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